Here goes nothing, Part 2



So, after the brilliant success of my first post, (no readers yet) I’ve decided to treat my fans to another. I know I should perhaps work on some sort of formula to increase my readership before moving onto another post, but you know what, I’m moving to Amsterdam in 2 hours and I just don’t have the time. (This is due to the fact when I land I have no Wifi for the foreseeable future, not because I am some sort of A-list celebrity).

My bags are packed, finally! It was sort of like a game of tetris and it took far more time than it needed… but I guess I took it so maybe it was. Each item was laid out on the floor before eventually being moved into the case in a process that took approximately 24 hours. It helps me mentally organise my existence if I can see all my belongings laid out like that, it relaxes me and reassures me of the control I can take in my life.

I’ve crossed of a lot of things on my to do list over the past few days.

I’ve just been stung by a wasp! No, that wasn’t on my to-do list, but I literally have just been stung. Is that some sort of omen? I’m going to google it. I’m half furious and half bemused. I can see the culprit on the floor by my unstung foot, what did I do to deserve that?! The first page of google results doesn’t seem to suggest anything superstitious about being stung so I’ll guess I’ll just move on. But for anecdotal sake, I’ll briefly mention that the last time that happened I must have been about 8 or 10 and holidaying Lebanon. After I’d knelt on a hornet and cried my eyes out I was surrounded by numerous female relatives all insistent that the best thing for me right then was to rub raw garlic cloves all over the war wound. Despite probably loving the attention, I don’t think the fact that I not only hurt but now smelt pungently did much to cease the tears.

All that’s left for me to do before I leave is to write a thank you letter to my sister. She has graciously given me the best gift of all this summer and despite our many arguments that makes me come across ungracious I want her to know for definite how much it has meant to me. During an existential friendship crisis involving most of my previous house mates she offered me her flat for the summer. Our initial plan was to live together but in reality, she temporarily evacuated to her boyfriend’s and I have lived alone for two whole fucking fabulous months. You have no idea how much I needed this, not only was this a welcome relief from sharing a house with 8 people for the past 2 years but it was valued experience for this next part of my life in Amsterdam where I will be living in my own little studio apartment. To top it off, her flat is any girl’s dream. Cute, clean n comfortable and after living in a male infested pit for so long you forget how the other half live.

So yeah, I need to thank her for the freedom she has granted me, the ability to cook, sing, dance and just exist naked for about 80% of my alone time is something I will always treasure. Did I mention rent free, so I could save up for Amsterdam? I am ridiculously lucky to have her and will count the summer of 2018 as probably my favourite so far, (maybe even better than the one that had a month in California). I guess I didn’t realise how drained my existence had become when it was so inextricably tied into other people’s lives. I still relied on my sister but there is a lightness to that form of reliance because she is my blood. There is almost an unspoken contract that dictates that regardless of our petty disputes she will always be there for me no matter what. The same cannot be said for the pre-existing housemates.

I think I have come to a natural close here, I still don’t really know what my angle is on this blog, all I know is that I wanted to share this final moment here in the U.K with someone or something and one method is to post on here. There is a small sadness that lingers in the knowledge that no one will probably ready this, but there is also a beauty as I can still find my feet without the pressure of an audience just yet. Saying that I do think I should perhaps find a niche, my words feel like reflections of many others and I don’t want that.

I should hurry up and post this because the bag of frozen peas on my foot is beginning to melt. X


3 thoughts on “Here goes nothing, Part 2

      1. No, I’ve never been to Amsterdam. If I manage to somehow end up there, I will definitely let you know. I look forward to reading about your adventures there.

        Liked by 1 person

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